On Forgiveness

"And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself."

-Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place, p. 248

Inimitable Witness

One day last week I was feeling particularly iffy so I excused myself from the chatter of people and things and headed straight to Isshin, my favorite Japanese restaurant along Arnaiz Ave, right across Park Square One in Makati. I love Isshin. The rustic Japanese ambience gives it a feeling of home away from home - even if I am not Japanese.

Being a non-drinker, a non-smoker, and a tree-hugging health nut, the only vice I can allow myself is an occasional meal with servings of pork. So I was feeling particularly crazy then and decided to throw caution to the wind and ordered what in my opinion can substitute a warm hug and good conversation in that day when I particularly needed one: Curry Rice with Pork.

There is nothing in the world that beats the comfort of a good steaming plate of Japanese style curry rice. It is no wonder that for the Japanese, being able to make a good well-made of curry rice is the mark of a good Japanese wife or mother. In my opinion, there is nothing else in this world that can make a person feel loved than curry rice. Curry is my love object, and I am not ashamed to admit it. So the days I buy myself a curry dinner are days when I feel I am in dead center -- days where I cannot explain why I feel the way I do.

Earlier that day I had a sense of foreboding -- a sense where God was preparing me for how the day would turn out. So early on I spent the day in His presence, soaking, waiting, and listening for what He would say. Lying in the presence of God, I sensed Him telling me that I was His Chosen, I am His Desire, and I am His Obsession. His Banner Over Me is Love. He Surrounds Me. Rejection has long been my bitter enemy, and He took me to places where I felt the sting of rejection beforehand and I felt Him wash away every memory with the strength of His love.

It didn't take long for my encounter with Him to be tested. I faced a situation that day when I know that I could feel that way again, but with His grace He held my heart and gave me strength and dignity to face what was to come. I am amazed at His faithfulness on how He prepared me beforehand. And I find it funny how often I place my identity in the fickle opinions and actions of man when His Word was already enough.

I am His Chosen. I am His Beloved. I am His Desire. And I am His Obsession. He Surrounds Me. His Banner over Me is Love.

I also knew when I was having my late curry dinner, that in my disappointment, I was not alone. I was in fellowship with the Lover of My Soul. And when I spent my evening walking around Greenbelt and Glorietta at 10pm on my own, barefoot and high heels in hand, watching while the vendors pack up and close shop in the desolate mall - He sees, He hears, He feels my pain, and I was in the center of His embrace.

He was there when I needed Him.
He was there when the skies broke wide, wide open.

Random thoughts off the bat

Song playing on my brother's stereo right now: Makes Me Wanna Shout

When I think about the Lord
How He saved me, how He raised me
How He filled me with the Holy Ghost
How He healed me to the uttermost
When I think about the Lord
How He picked me up
And turned me around
How He placed my feet
On solid ground

Makes me wanna shout
Hallelujah Thank You Jesus...

-----------------------------------------

Night wind stirs leaves and trees
In the dead of the evening
at the dead center of space

Silence grips
The ebony hollow of my wrists
Flick flack goes my wall clock
As my soul struggles to find its rhythm

Possibilities abound
And yet hope
Waits for imaginary worlds to start
And yet one runs as the other listens
Scouring the heavens for a sign
A finger for a pulse
or any indication of life
or breathing
or is it dead
or is it gone

As I watch...
As I yearn
As I pray

I am reminded
That death has long been gone
The battle has yet to be won
Not by might,
Nor by power
But by the Spirit

God is a a refuge and strength
An ever-present help in time of trouble
Therefore I will not fear
Though the earth will fail
Though the mountains will fall into the heart of the sea

I will be still and know You are God.